The Shower Man!

Okay, okay, that was not a reference to Psycho or Singing in the Rain. I was actually making a reference to my rampant paranoia. I'm a really cautious person, so I have a tendency to double-check the most ridiculous things, just to make sure they don't hurt me.

Like the *cough* shower man *cough*

Okay, I said it! I am afraid of the...Shower Man..

(Creepy Music)

The shower man, just to set things straight, is a man that happens to find your shower interesting and wants to live in it. And if you try to take his shower, he'll shank you with his long, sharp spork. You can shank with a spork, by the way. All he wants is his shower, man! Hence, Shower Man.  He also likes to pop out and scare you when your back is turned. I'm deathly afraid of him.

Hey, it's not my fault. It's my sister's. We were both in the bathroom when she suddenly opened the shower curtain.

ESTHER: Why did you do that?

SIS: What? Oh, you mean checking the shower? I was seeing if anybody was in there.

ESTHER: Why would there be someone in the shower?

SIS:  Don't you think someone could just pop out and get you?

ESTHER: No! That's ridiculous! Why would that ever happen?

SIS: You're right, I guess that is weird. (EXITS.)

(There is a long pause. ESTHER stands near the shower. A scared look overcomes her face.)

ESTHER: Oh, frell. (Checks shower.)

I love myself. I really do. So now just a person who hangs out in the shower has evolved into Shower Man. Curse you Shower Man! Where is Superman when you need him? Or Batman? Megaman? Anyone will do. Just get that man out of my shower!

Nobody else seems to notice shower man.  I think he is only out to shank me. It's probably because I taste like chicken and the rest of my family tastes like beef. When you have a choice, you go with chicken, ya know?

At least he doesn't live in my shower all the time. He totally avoids it in the mornings, when people are getting cleaned up. However, when dawn turns its fading head, he does come back. Unless you check the shower after you enter the bathroom, in which case he turns invisible. But if you forget, just once, he'll get ya! He'll get ya all!

I am going to try to keep Shower Man happy by singing him a song.

Shower Man! Shower Man!
Does what ever a shanker can!
He will stab
with his spork
which is a mixture
of a spoon and a fork

Watch out! Here comes Shower Man!

My mom just might think I have issues when she comes home and finds me stalking around, looking behind my shoulder and singing Shower Man.

But then again, it's worth it. So beware for all of those who want to use the can.

Watch out, here comes Shower Man.

Shocking of the Bio?

So I played Bioshock for the first time today. The game has always looked great-albeit terrifying-to me, so I thought I would give it a shot. (CAUTION: This is a rant. Read at own risk. Rated 13 and up for violence and Esther stupidity.)

Now for the guys that know me, you maybe thinking, "What? Esther played Bioshock? Isn't she like, a wimp?" And for those that are thinking this, you are right. I am a wimpy wimp with wimp issues. You may be pleased to know, however, that I actually played this game for a couple hours straight. Ha! I know Bioshock isn't a horror game, but it's still a big step for me. So anyway, onto my story.

Well first, I put the disk into the 360 drive. Actually, my dad put it in. It was just him, me, and my littlest sister in the house because the rest of my family went swimming with a totally lame family. (Just kidding, I love you guys.) Dad became my designated watcher. I grabbed the controller, propped my foot up on the couch, and started playing. (Spoilers?)

Mmkay, so maybe I was a little scared. Just a tad. I mean, who wouldn't be a little intimidated going several hundred feet underwater into a city crawling with genetically altered citizens?

Well, it seems that my plane has crashed in a large body of water, leaving me stranded. I swam to a building in the water, and went inside. (This IS Rapture, ya know.) It was really dark in the building so that's kind of when I went,

"Oh gosh, it's dark. It's dark! Please don't jump out of the darkness and stab me, little Splicers. I love you Splicers."

From that point I tip toed my way through the darkness and I found a submarine.

"Ooh! A submarine!"

Turns out it was an elevator, but that doesn't matter. It was dark! I got into the elevator and went down. Really really far down. Each passing story I went like, "Oh, so I'm going to have to go this far up to get home, then?" When the elevator stopped, I saw a Splicer (Genetically altered human thing) through the closed glass door. I watched as the Splicer did something really mean to a dude, and I immediately freaked out.

"AH! I'm totally freaking out!" I said.

The Splicer looked at me and said something about killing. I'm sure it didn't have to do with me. Then it attacked my elevator, stabbing it and almost stabbing me. Yay! Then this guy on a radio talks to me. Whatever, I don't trust him. I don't trust anyone. But I take the radio with me anyway.

It turns out, after I passed a couple of halls, I stopped freaking out. I grabbed this nifty wrench and the fear went away. Seriously, there is nothing like a good wrench to build self confidence. Unfortunately, having a weapon means that I can be really paranoid. I take my paranoia out on things that move, and things that don't.

Let me explain my little paranoia to you. I was walking through some dentist place and I saw a dead body. It looked dead, of course. So I shot it. Twice. Seriously, in this game I will attack ANYTHING. A crate? I shoot it. A woman crying over her fallen child? I shoot her too. Turns out she didn't have a baby in that carriage she was crying over. It was just a gun she was going to attack me with. So appearently my paranoia in videogames pays off in this one.

After a while I ran into a Big Daddy. Big Daddy's are possibly the cutest demi-boss I've ever seen. I love them! Too bad I have to kill them, seriously. I mean, why can't they just let me get to the Little Sister? It's not like I'm going to harvest her for genetic material or anythin-oh wait.

My first enounter went like this:

ME: Oh! Look! A BD! He's so cute!

BD: Gwaaaaaaaaah!

ME: I don't want to attack you. I hope you attack me.

(BD does nothing)

ME: ATTACK ME! (I go and poke him.)

BD: GAAAAH! (attacks)

ME: That's more like it-GAH! MY ORGANS! THEY'RE ALL VITAL AND THEY ARE ALL GONE!*

I survived my first encounter by leading him to a giant puddle of water and shooting him with electricity. (Thank you Pokemon, for teaching me that water conducts electricity.) So far I haven't died once. We'll see how that goes.

This may sound like bad stuff, really. But Bioshock is an awesome game. The depth of the story is amazing. Every enemy seems to have a different personality, and the nifty audio records lost by many give a good look into the characters of Rapture. I've only played this for a couple of hours, but really, I can tell this one is a master piece. So long as you have a strong stomach. Until next time.

END RANT.

*I say this a lot.