Villains Week: Your evil laugh

So you have finally taken the first steps to evildom. But you know what? You still have a long way to go. How are you going to walk around destroying things if no body takes you seriously? This is why you need an evil laugh. Your evil laugh is what makes you who you are. It is the thing that sends chills down any human's spine. Without it, you are nothing. You should think of your evil laugh as your right hand man. After all, it cheers you up, gives you confidence, and is just slightly less cool than you are. It is the perfect companion. But now you may be thinking, "how in the world do I find MY laugh?". Well this is the place to go, my monster in training. I will teach you how to find your laugh in a few easy steps. Just follow them.

STEP ONE: You must first pick the beginning of your laugh. The beginning of your laugh cannot be more than three syllables long. It must end with a vowel that has a short sound, like "Ah." It must start with a hard consonant and be memorable. It is not recommended that you go with the generic, "myha, or HA", because we have heard them all before. Here is some choices for you: Gyah, Google, kyah, Foo, and Wizaha.
Note how most of these end with the, "Ah" sound. This is because it is easy for you to go to the next step.

STEP TWO: Now that you have found your beginning, you must have the middle. The middle of a laugh is a repeated sound that goes on for about three times before ceasing. It should be one syllable. Sounds like, AH, LA, GOO, HEE, and KEH, are good choices. After shouting the first part of your laugh, say your second until you run out of oxygen or feel pleased with yourself.

STEP THREE: You can add an end as well. This is optional. All you have to do is end your laugh with a hard sound like K, or M.

STEP FOUR: Pronunciation. Take a deep breath. You are ready for this. You have chosen all of your components. If you have not, do so now. I will wait...

...Okay now? Here we go. Inhale, if you can, relax your throat muscles for maximum evilness. Now gurgle out the first part of your laugh slowly, like this: MYHAA...
Now add the second part rapidly and efficiently: HAHAHAHAHA! Now end it with your ending, or just stop whenever you feel like it. Are you ready for the test run. Go and laugh!

Good job! I'm so proud of you! You have discovered your inner laugh. But be warned, don't use the laugh too much or you will succumb to a very deadly disease. It is called evillaughiadosis, and it is lethal. It comes from frequently laughing. Eventually, the evilness and lack of oxygen gets to your brain, and it shuts down. If you don't know, if your brain can't breathe it dies, so be careful about this. But don't get too worried about it. You will do fine. Until next time.

How to be a Villain week: Intro

Hello there blogging fans!

Here at A Very Random Pickle I thought I would like to have some fun. So I have decided to dedicate an entire week to a very special topic I love: The art of VILLAINY!

(Cue evil music)

Heroes aside, there is always room for a good villain in books, movies, radio, cereal boxes, you name it. However there is a stunning lack of GOOD villains. (Especially cereal box ones) The media has been overwhelmed by villains with lame names and dumb evil laughs. So I've decided to write a small blog series on how to be a villain.

You can take my words to heart. I have a lot of experience when it comes to evil. Sometimes, I.Sometimes.Don't.Even.Wash.My.Hands.After.Eating. I saw you shudder just now. Don't try to hide it. So if you are considering being evil, or are evil already and just don't know what to do with yourself, check out this blog over the week for hints and tips for being evil. I'm sure you'll thank me. But you shouldn't really because that would mean you aren't a villain. I recommend just slapping me across the face. But you can't find me because you don't know where I live.

GLOOGLESHRMIRTZ SHRMIRTZ SHRMIRTZ!! (That was my evil laugh. Evil laughs will be mentioned also in this blog)

Are you looking forward to it? Until next time.