The Shower Man!

Okay, okay, that was not a reference to Psycho or Singing in the Rain. I was actually making a reference to my rampant paranoia. I'm a really cautious person, so I have a tendency to double-check the most ridiculous things, just to make sure they don't hurt me.

Like the *cough* shower man *cough*

Okay, I said it! I am afraid of the...Shower Man..

(Creepy Music)

The shower man, just to set things straight, is a man that happens to find your shower interesting and wants to live in it. And if you try to take his shower, he'll shank you with his long, sharp spork. You can shank with a spork, by the way. All he wants is his shower, man! Hence, Shower Man.  He also likes to pop out and scare you when your back is turned. I'm deathly afraid of him.

Hey, it's not my fault. It's my sister's. We were both in the bathroom when she suddenly opened the shower curtain.

ESTHER: Why did you do that?

SIS: What? Oh, you mean checking the shower? I was seeing if anybody was in there.

ESTHER: Why would there be someone in the shower?

SIS:  Don't you think someone could just pop out and get you?

ESTHER: No! That's ridiculous! Why would that ever happen?

SIS: You're right, I guess that is weird. (EXITS.)

(There is a long pause. ESTHER stands near the shower. A scared look overcomes her face.)

ESTHER: Oh, frell. (Checks shower.)

I love myself. I really do. So now just a person who hangs out in the shower has evolved into Shower Man. Curse you Shower Man! Where is Superman when you need him? Or Batman? Megaman? Anyone will do. Just get that man out of my shower!

Nobody else seems to notice shower man.  I think he is only out to shank me. It's probably because I taste like chicken and the rest of my family tastes like beef. When you have a choice, you go with chicken, ya know?

At least he doesn't live in my shower all the time. He totally avoids it in the mornings, when people are getting cleaned up. However, when dawn turns its fading head, he does come back. Unless you check the shower after you enter the bathroom, in which case he turns invisible. But if you forget, just once, he'll get ya! He'll get ya all!

I am going to try to keep Shower Man happy by singing him a song.

Shower Man! Shower Man!
Does what ever a shanker can!
He will stab
with his spork
which is a mixture
of a spoon and a fork

Watch out! Here comes Shower Man!

My mom just might think I have issues when she comes home and finds me stalking around, looking behind my shoulder and singing Shower Man.

But then again, it's worth it. So beware for all of those who want to use the can.

Watch out, here comes Shower Man.