I just preformed with my choir at an Indiana State University basketball game. I've been a member of the choir for about a year and I have had a good time so far. We sang the national anthem. This is pretty exciting for me, as it was the first time I ever attended a real live basketball game. I was really nervous at first, but the second I walked out there with my gang all the stress melted away you know? I had a really good time. Also, I think I was on TV! I can't be too sure, but there were a lot of cameras around so maybe I got lucky. I've been on TV before, but it was only the back of my head. The back of my head isn't a very interesting sight, but now my forehead could be on TV! You know how much cooler foreheads are? See you later.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
I think my cat is trying to kill me.
If you have ever owned a cat, you probably know what I am talking about. Cats simply are mysterious creatures because their motives are so uncertain. You never know what they are thinking about or why they are so bent on attacking your face. So what are the cat's motives for living with humans? You don't own a cat, after all. They live with you and just tolerate your existence as long as you feed them. Well, I have a theory.
I think cats are trying to kill us all.
Before you roll your eyes and exit this blog, I think you should hear me out. After all, this news could be valuable to the future of man kind.
First off, why ARE cats trying to kill us all? Well, cats think the world is better off without us. It's true, though. We throw trash on the streets, listen to unusual music at ridiculously high volumes, and we are eating all of the fish that live in our ocean. It is totally understandable why they want to kill us. So HOW will they do so?
Sure, they could construct a bio bomb and program it so it only destroys humans and wipe us all out, but that would be bad for the ecosystem. It would go against their kitty code. So they have devised another solution. They are simply going to kill us slowly, one by one.
You've seen them plotting, I'm sure. You just can't understand Kitteh. (their language of choice) So whenever you see a horrible accident about to happen, ask yourself this: "Would a kitty be able to pull this off?" You would be surprised how often the answer is "yes".
However, out of the ninety percent of kitties that are trying to kill you, there are ten percent that doesn't really care wither you live or die. These are the cats you should keep as pets. Here are some good signs that your kitten is a member of the Kitteh Kult. If your cat shows two of the signs below you should return it immediately:
Example:Your chest feels heavy after you wake up from a nights sleep.
How your Cat is trying to kill You: The cat lays on your chest in the middle of the night, effectively slowing your breathing rate and eventually suffocating you.
Example: You discover that your curtains are ripped to shreds.
How your cat is trying to kill you: A Kitteh Kult member shreds your curtains in desperate hope that you will walk into them and become suffocated by bare threads that wrap around your throat.
Example: Your cat tries to stop you from going out to town with your friends and hang out with it instead.
HYCITTKY: Your cat is trying to ruin you social life, thereby making you lonely and depressed.Suicide is only a few months away if you fall into this trap.
Example: Your cat licks herself all of the time.
HYCITTKY: Cat saliva contains a slight amount of a toxin called "Kitteh Spitt". She is hoping that eventually you will some how ingest the toxin and die.
Solution: After your kitty licks herself, don't touch her for thirty minutes. The toxin has a short life.
These were just a few reasons on how your cat is trying to kill you. As long as you recognize these signs you will be fine. Just use common sense and you should be able to survive. Until then, drink plenty of water, and remember to get your cats spayed or neutered. Until the Kitty Apocalypse.
I think cats are trying to kill us all.
Before you roll your eyes and exit this blog, I think you should hear me out. After all, this news could be valuable to the future of man kind.
First off, why ARE cats trying to kill us all? Well, cats think the world is better off without us. It's true, though. We throw trash on the streets, listen to unusual music at ridiculously high volumes, and we are eating all of the fish that live in our ocean. It is totally understandable why they want to kill us. So HOW will they do so?
Sure, they could construct a bio bomb and program it so it only destroys humans and wipe us all out, but that would be bad for the ecosystem. It would go against their kitty code. So they have devised another solution. They are simply going to kill us slowly, one by one.
You've seen them plotting, I'm sure. You just can't understand Kitteh. (their language of choice) So whenever you see a horrible accident about to happen, ask yourself this: "Would a kitty be able to pull this off?" You would be surprised how often the answer is "yes".
However, out of the ninety percent of kitties that are trying to kill you, there are ten percent that doesn't really care wither you live or die. These are the cats you should keep as pets. Here are some good signs that your kitten is a member of the Kitteh Kult. If your cat shows two of the signs below you should return it immediately:
Example:Your chest feels heavy after you wake up from a nights sleep.
How your Cat is trying to kill You: The cat lays on your chest in the middle of the night, effectively slowing your breathing rate and eventually suffocating you.
Example: You discover that your curtains are ripped to shreds.
How your cat is trying to kill you: A Kitteh Kult member shreds your curtains in desperate hope that you will walk into them and become suffocated by bare threads that wrap around your throat.
Example: Your cat tries to stop you from going out to town with your friends and hang out with it instead.
HYCITTKY: Your cat is trying to ruin you social life, thereby making you lonely and depressed.Suicide is only a few months away if you fall into this trap.
Example: Your cat licks herself all of the time.
HYCITTKY: Cat saliva contains a slight amount of a toxin called "Kitteh Spitt". She is hoping that eventually you will some how ingest the toxin and die.
Solution: After your kitty licks herself, don't touch her for thirty minutes. The toxin has a short life.
These were just a few reasons on how your cat is trying to kill you. As long as you recognize these signs you will be fine. Just use common sense and you should be able to survive. Until then, drink plenty of water, and remember to get your cats spayed or neutered. Until the Kitty Apocalypse.
Saturday, February 27, 2010
The Introduction
Hi there. I'm Esther, the proud owner of this new blog, A Very Random Pickle. It is small and incredibly unheard of, of course, but that will change as soon as I manage to become famous and rule the online media with an iron fist. Until that, however, I figure I should start small, which is why I am starting with an introduction. The first question you may be thinking is why I named this blog in such a way, because it certainly isn't about pickles. Well, There are three reasons I named it so:
1. This blog is a mixture of sweet and sour topics, with a little bit of crunch. Like a pickle, you know
2. The word,"Random" probably describes the sweet and sour topics I will be choosing
3. I like the word, "pickle".
The SECOND question you are probably thinking is, "What kind of person is this wonderful bloggist?". In response to that question, I shall tell you a little about myself.
I am fifteen years old. I live in a house which just happens to contain my five brothers and sisters, my parents, and my three guinea pigs and a kitten. My interests are writing, reading, video games, sports(even though I stink at them), and loafing. (Loafing by my standards IS a sport.), and expressing my vehement opinions without any possible consequences!(Which doesn't happen very often) I also enjoy long walks on the beach. Okay, fine. I have never walked on a beach. But I am sure I would like to. And, to your amazement, I do not actually like pickles. (Wow, there sure are a lot of parentheses in this blog of mine)
And finally, you may be asking, "Whatever benefit shall I gain from this blog?". This is a question I do not have an answer to. It all depends on your point of view. You may find my innocent ramblings charming and quaint, but you may also want to pick up your pet turtle named Steve and throw it at the computer screen.
Yes, I know you have a pet turtle named Steve. I've got connections.
And so there you have it folks! I hope to be sharing my thoughts and opinions with you on a regular basis. Until then, see you later.
1. This blog is a mixture of sweet and sour topics, with a little bit of crunch. Like a pickle, you know
2. The word,"Random" probably describes the sweet and sour topics I will be choosing
3. I like the word, "pickle".
The SECOND question you are probably thinking is, "What kind of person is this wonderful bloggist?". In response to that question, I shall tell you a little about myself.
I am fifteen years old. I live in a house which just happens to contain my five brothers and sisters, my parents, and my three guinea pigs and a kitten. My interests are writing, reading, video games, sports(even though I stink at them), and loafing. (Loafing by my standards IS a sport.), and expressing my vehement opinions without any possible consequences!(Which doesn't happen very often) I also enjoy long walks on the beach. Okay, fine. I have never walked on a beach. But I am sure I would like to. And, to your amazement, I do not actually like pickles. (Wow, there sure are a lot of parentheses in this blog of mine)
And finally, you may be asking, "Whatever benefit shall I gain from this blog?". This is a question I do not have an answer to. It all depends on your point of view. You may find my innocent ramblings charming and quaint, but you may also want to pick up your pet turtle named Steve and throw it at the computer screen.
Yes, I know you have a pet turtle named Steve. I've got connections.
And so there you have it folks! I hope to be sharing my thoughts and opinions with you on a regular basis. Until then, see you later.
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