Villainy Week: How to BE evil.

So you have finally decided that you want to be evil. Have you become fed up with work at the office? Have you decided that you are too good for anyone else? Or are you just plain mean to start with and you don't know what to do with yourself? Whatever your answer, you have come to the right place. You may think you're evil now, but you would be surprised on what it takes. You can't just walk outside and declare your evilness to the world-oh no. You have to have guts, determination, and a good sense of style. (All villains must dress better than the heroes, of course)And to start it off, you must first know the Rules of Evil. If you don't follow these, how can you expect to rule the world with an iron fist?

RULE NUMBER ONE: I am evil, therefore I am not nice. If anyone says otherwise, I will slap them.

RULE NUMBER TWO: I am witty and clever. I shall always have to make witty lines ahead of time and categorize them to various situations, that way I will always have something clever to say when I manage to capture my nemesis.

RULE NUMBER THREE: I am well dressed. Just because the hero walks in shirtless with his hair mussed and a lipstick mark on his cheek doesn't mean I have to do the same. After all, I am not perfectly shaped like he is and I don't have washboard abs to show off. I will wear modest and preferably black clothing. If I am female, leather would be more applicable.

RULE NUMBER FOUR: I am smarter than anyone else. I shall make my plans inexplicably complicated and intelligent. I will not fall to the level of just shooting someone if I can kill him with a much more complicated method. If I encounter someone whom I wish to destroy, I shall tell him my magnificent plan. If he doesn't understand it, it's not because I don't understand the plan myself, it's just because he's never heard of Yoogoplutonium before. After all, I don't make things up, I'm just too smart for you.

RULE NUMBER FIVE: Since I will have followers, I will select a few to be my minions. They must be dumber than I am, but not irrevocably stupid. They must wear black, as it is a symbol of my evil, and it would be preferred if I don't have to know their names. I shall just call them all, "Minion".

RULE NUMBER SIX: I have a good sense of humor. Just because my nemesis hates my guts and frowns all the time doesn't mean I have to frown too. I shall always have an evil grin on my face and sadistically laugh every time the hero does something stupid. My laugh shall be menacing and scary, and scare the living heck out of anyone that gets in my path. If the roll their eyes every time I laugh, it is not because they are tired of it, it's because they hate it so much they wish I would stop. So I will laugh some more.

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And so there is the introduction to evil. If you ever feel lost it would be best to look back here and read to show what evil is all about. Just by being evil, you are smarter and better than anyone else around you, so feel free to do whatever you want. Until next installment of Villainy Week