Congratulations! You have been doing quite well with your evil studies. I almost feel confident enough to let you go and rule the world, but there are some things you must know. Every villain makes mistakes, but you shouldn't be one of them. I have written out the most common mistakes that villains make, and how to avoid them. You may have heard of some of these failures before and shook you head about how stupid they were. But you still need to know them for future reference. Here are the mistakes all rookie villains make:
The Mistake: Not installing a proper air-vent security system.
Why this is bad: Out of all the paths to your evil inner sanctum, the hero will ultimately choose the air-vent system. Why? We have no idea. Perhaps they like to crawl around like little rodents through endless tunnels. However, if they DO choose this path to get to you, the most likely will. The air-vent can be your biggest security opening. This can also apply to to your sewage system.
How to fix: Place motion sensors at every length of the air duct. Do not get cheap with this and only place one or two. Place cameras inside as well, if you can. Try to keep your evil base at a toasty 90 degrees, to discourage any crawling through the vents.
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The Mistake: Hiring incompetent henchmen.
Why this is bad: Henchman that don't get the job done are one of the keys to your undoing.
How to fix: The best cure is prevention. Interview all of your henchman applicants personally. Make sure they are not too stupid, but not too dumb. Their best quality should be breaking things. Make sure they understand that they should attack the hero at every turn. If you have captured a hero and are keeping him/her in the dungeon, make sure that you don't pick a henchman of the opposite sex of him or her. Heroes are surprisingly good at seducing and will without fail manage to get the guard to open the gate for him or her.
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The Mistake: Not wiring your bomb properly.
Why this is bad: Heroes are so good at defusing bombs it's almost scary. They will always pick the right wire to cut and therefore ruin your evil plans in one swipe. This will cost you a lot of money in the long run. It makes it even more annoying that they always defuse it when the timer hits 00:01.
How to fix: To insure that your bomb will trigger an earth quake and make California fall into the ocean, you must make it impossible to defuse. First off, make sure that none of your wires are blue or red. The heroes always pick those to cut. Keep the bomb sealed and guarded by red-shirted henchmen. (Because they are expendable)Also, for a fun twist, make the bomb go off when the timer hits twenty seconds. This way, the hero will think he is safe and take his time defusing, only to realize that he has just blown up.
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The mistake: Making alliances with the hero's side kick/love interest.
Why this is bad: Good grief man! Never associate with the side of good. Especially side kicks and love interests. Unlike the hero, they are not afraid to lie and trick you into submission. Be extra cautious if they suggest an alliance themselves.
The solution: If a side kick ever comes up and pops the question, pop him in the head with a pistol. Better safe than sorry I always say.
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The mistake: Not listening when the hero shouts, "DUCK!"
Why this is bad: If you are ever on a moving platform or some precarious place, and the hero suddenly ducks his head down, do the same. Please don't think the hero is trying to trick you, because he never is when it comes to this. He is simply trying to avoid the giant rock/smasher/robot fist that is heading to his face.
How to fix: Duck. And while the hero is ducking, kick him in the face.
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And there you have it. These are important reminders and you should always keep them in mind.
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