Villainy Week: Your Nemesis

You have the looks, you have the guts, you have the laugh. You feel like you have everything you need to get started in villainy, right?

WRONG!

You need a nemesis. An arch rival, if you will. You need somebody who will try to foil your attempts at any second you try to do something evil. This may sound like a burden to your evilness, but you would be wrong again. Having a nemesis makes you try harder with evil. Your nemesis makes you rethink things you would never considered. And it isn't a danger to have a nemesis because remember:

Evil always wins.

Of course your nemesis can't be any one guy you find off the street. You have to consider who you want. And he/she has to be your enemy for PRACTICAL reasons. For example, if your nemesis(lets call him Clark) accidentally spilled chemicals on you that made your hair fall out, you shouldn't make him your enemy. Rather, you should accept your new hair do and smite the guy right there. He's too clumsy for you, anyway. However, if the guy has foiled your villainous attempts in the past or bullied you, crippled you, or threw you into a vat of toxic waste, you should be angry. If your nemesis applicant has done any of these things, you should consider him seriously. If no one has, try to use your common sense to find one. Ask yourself these questions:

-Is he smart enough to ALMOST foil my plans?

-Do the babes love him more than you, even though you are obviously cooler?

-HAS he thrown you into a vat of toxic waste/power cables/ nuclear irradiation test site full of sand?

-Has he ever heard your evil laugh?

-Does he have a shady past which you so happened to affect? (Killing his parents could do it)

-Are the people that hang around him obviously lower in class than he is, but stick with him for the sake of being comedic relief?

These are the questions your should ask yourself. If he or she applies to two of these, you should pick him or her as your nemesis. Try not to pick a nemesis of the opposite sex of you, it leads to too much trouble.

Now that you know that he/she is good enough, how do you challenge her/him to be your nemesis? It's simple, really. Just walk up to him/her and say:

"YOU THERE! You have annoyed me to an unbelievable extent and I wish to destroy you. However, because I hate you so much, I do not wish to do it slowly. Rather, I have decided to make you fall victim to life threatening traps that may or may not be lethal. I will take away those that you love and protect. If you wish to stop me, just try loser!" (insert evil laugh)

If he or she punches you in the face, you have a nemesis! Congrats! You now have everything you need to start with your villainy. Until next time.